Third Week of Work: 'Be of Good Comfort'

As my work has progressed, I feel that I am beginning to become more accustomed to the life of a working mom. I think I will need more time still to feel that I am in any sort of rhythm or balance.

In regards to the story of 'Stink Eye' girl, things have dramatically improved; that is, of course, after they had gone horribly wrong. Our relationship had gotten to the point where we completely ignored each other for the duration of our shifts together. This was also based on the advice of two managers at the store. However, the store manager wanted me to confront her and if that meant a brawl in the store, so be it. He wanted me to throw down with her and make sure she knew who was boss. He also informed me that her job was in jeopardy anyway and that she needed to either shape up or be shipped out. That gave me the courage to try to do some managing. I went up to her and another girl who were standing around when the store was slow and asked them to pick something from the list of to-do items and work on it until things picked up. She subsequently laughed in my face and walked away. Nice, eh? I didn't deal with her then, but informed my manager who "reviewed the heck out of her." That basically means that she got a serious verbal warning. She since has had several hour-long talks with the managers and is now trying to be my best friend. We've actually had sentence-long conversations. Wow. I don't know if she is trying to save her job or what, but I appreciate her effort.

There have been several times in the past few weeks that I have wondered what the heck it was that I was doing all day. Was this really what I was supposed to be doing right now? Seriously? Last Sunday in Sacrament meeting, someone gave a talk on patience and read Mosiah 24 where the people were placed in bondage and were even forbidden to pray so instead they prayed constantly in their hearts. This was the result of their prayers:

13 And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their
afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of
the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.

14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a
surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

16 And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying: Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage.

Maybe it sounds silly, but that's what I did this past week. I prayed a lot in my heart during my day for help to do the job better and for strength to be get through this time where I need to be working, this "time of affliction" for me. And I can honestly say that I truly feel that my burdens have been lifted. If this is what the Lord wants for me right now, then I will work through it. I will be patient and I will submit cheerfully as difficult as it may be. I just hope that I can demonstrate great faith and patience so that the Lord, when the time is right, can deliver me out of this bondage.

An Account of the First Week at Work: The Tale of 'Stink Eye' and More

So, I started working this week and let me tell you: It has been a long, roller-coaster ride of emotions, a test of my physical stamina, and a trial of humility. Dropping Benjamin off at Shari's house was difficult. I was proud thought that I didn't start crying until after I left; I'm glad Ben didn't see me get upset. My first day seemed so long. At least I was able to watch videos in the beginning so I wasn't on my feet the whole day. I was able to meet many of the staff and, toward the end of the day, get to know the product, which included trying on every pair of jeans in the store. Haha, it's fun to get paid to try on cute clothes. Everyone was super nice save it be one girl. She hardly greeted me and gave me the stink eye the rest of the day. I honestly racked my brain that night trying to think of something I might have said or done to upset her. >shoulder shrug< That night I cried and cried because I felt so guilty for being away from my son all day just to help people try on jeans and what not.

"Was it worth it?" I kept asking myself.

The next day was a little easier. Ben was excited to go to day care, which made the goodbye ok. I had fun at work and got to know the other employees better. 'Stink Eye' girl wasn't there so...yay! My sales were great considering it was my second day and I felt pumped for the rest of the week. My back hurt even more and my feet felt like stones. And again, I ended up crying the whole night because I felt guilty. But this time it was because I felt guilty for enjoying my work while my son was at day care. I also felt guilty because I'm not allowed to call Eddie during the day. It's strange to go from talking to him every hour or two to nothing at all.

Again, I asked myself, "Was it worth it?"

My third day seemed to be my introduction to the unfolding drama in the store. I was initiated in with stories of good and bad bosses (almost like Michael Scott-stuff from The Office), the partying, and the explanation of 'Stink Eye' girl. Apparently, when she and her BFF at the store heard that there was going to be a new Manager Trainee (me), they decided to treat me like crap to "put [me] in [my] place." They told everyone that if I tried to boss them around, they were going to "make [my] life a living hell." Nice, huh? I was even warned by other girls in the store to not bother being nice to her because that will just piss her off more. So... I found myself pitying 'Stink Eye' girl and her friend; they always seem so bitter and upset. How horrible would it be to live your life in such hatred and negativity?

I also found myself taking the humble route when it came to speaking with her. I asked her for her opinion when I was working on a presentation (sale), thanked her for her input, and encouraged her to let me know what I should be doing to keep busy. I know that technically I am her supervisor but for now, I want her to know that I am not a threat to her or her position. It seems to be working. I've received less stink eye than the previous day. I plan to speak with her within a week or so and explain to her that I don't plan to boss her around, because she knows what she is doing more than I do but that I need her help and support to get to know the product and the way the store handles and would love and welcome her input.

Well, that brings us to today: my day off. I still have to go into work though and speak with my boss, the store manager. I am so glad that I get to spend my day with Benjamin. It's nice. We had pancakes together and watched Curious Buddies. It's been a long week and I am glad it is coming to an end.

So... is it worth it? I don't know. I do feel myself growing and learning a lot. My son is learning a lot too from being with other kids during the day. He is talking more and seems more confident. When I prayed about finding a job, I found myself asking for Heavenly Father to place me in a job where I could be of help to someone and maybe even share the gospel with them. This is the place where I am supposed to be. It will be wonderful to see who it is that I can help. Who knows, it may even just be me.

"Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come." --Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Sunday Will Come", Ensign, Nov. 2006, 28

It's over.

So I just got the phone call that confirmed an offer from Buckle for the Manager in training position. After months of going crazy with online applications, assessments, resumes, false hope and utter despair, I guess my job hunt is over. Not that I am going to miss it, but do I feel ready for the new chapter that is just beginning?

I have to admit that I am a little scared. This job offer is amazing and if I work my butt off, I can have my own store within a year. This could be what relocates our little happy butts to Texas. But despite my joy, my heart is heavy; I'm going to be a working mom. My baby won't be my daily priority anymore and much of my time and energy will be put into something that's outside of my home. Is that ok? I don't know. Maybe it is. Maybe if this is what our family needs right now, it is ok. This will allow Eddie to go back to school and finish his degree and then land a job that can be his career. So maybe it is. >Sigh< I guess I just hope that this sacrifice is worth it.