"Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come." --Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Sunday Will Come", Ensign, Nov. 2006, 28

It's over.

So I just got the phone call that confirmed an offer from Buckle for the Manager in training position. After months of going crazy with online applications, assessments, resumes, false hope and utter despair, I guess my job hunt is over. Not that I am going to miss it, but do I feel ready for the new chapter that is just beginning?

I have to admit that I am a little scared. This job offer is amazing and if I work my butt off, I can have my own store within a year. This could be what relocates our little happy butts to Texas. But despite my joy, my heart is heavy; I'm going to be a working mom. My baby won't be my daily priority anymore and much of my time and energy will be put into something that's outside of my home. Is that ok? I don't know. Maybe it is. Maybe if this is what our family needs right now, it is ok. This will allow Eddie to go back to school and finish his degree and then land a job that can be his career. So maybe it is. >Sigh< I guess I just hope that this sacrifice is worth it.

Just a continuation of what Stacey said in the blog regarding friendships...

I know what you mean! Friendships now are not like they were in high school and I miss it too. Everyone is so far away and justifiably busy. It seems like the last real friendship I made (meaning I told that person everything about me) was just after high school and I dont even talk to that person any more. I just asked Eddie about it and he said he thinks its bc in high school, you spend all day with friends and then socialize with them outside of school and talk with them on the phone when you aren't with them, but now we don't have that time or luxury. But quality time doesn't equal friends, does it? Don't get me wrong; I have lots of great friends that I have made recently, but they aren't the same as the ones back in high school. I hardly get to see most of them and there isn't enough time to gab on the phone like we used to. It's like it's hard to keep most friends close after you get married.

To quote another's blog about the transition from having friends to being settled in your marriage:

"You have your group of friends. You do everything together. You meet a guy, date the guy, fall in love with the guy. You stop doing everything with your friends and instead split the time between the two. Your friends are fine with this because they have their own boyfriends. And those who don't have boyfriends might resent you some but they would never say it openly.

Then that guy becomes "the guy". You get married, settle down and decide to start a family. During the pregnancy your friends organize a baby shower. You're happy and content. Then the big day comes and baby arrives. Your friends visit you in the hospital and you go home after. Thus begins the transition into Mommydom.

But then, it happens. You are invited to a girls night out but you have to decline, the baby is sick. Then you are asked to a shopping spree with the girls. Trouble is you're saving for Christmas and you know they will expect to eat out. So you tell them you can go but have to leave after the shopping is done. You go and they push you to go eat, you need to "catch up". You explain money is tight and you simply cannot but thank them and go home. Then a few weeks later you and the hubs have plans for a dinner out. Your friends call a few days before and ask you out and you explain you have a date with the husband.

When it's all said and done, it is just you and your spouse. Some of the friendships continue but only in the form of going out once in a blue moon to lunch or random phone calls. Otherwise it's just you and him and your children. You fall into a habit and the times you leave the house are always spent together.

Does this sound familiar to any of you? I'm sure certain details might be different but overall? I've been thinking about how friendships change after someone gets married or starts having children. I can attest to the fact that many friends move along as soon as they realize you're lifestyle and value systems have changed.

So tell me, is it just me? Or has this happened to you? Did alot of your friendships come to an end once you married? How about your husbands? or your wives?"

Let me know what you all think.

Two Weeks and Seven Years

So earlier this week I had my third interview with BCBG, a great clothing company, for a Shop Manager position at Arrowhead mall. BCBG rents a space inside of the Dillard's store at Arrowhead and several other malls here in the Valley. The interview was successful and I was told that I would be contacted soon to begin training. GREAT! Then this morning, I got a call from the current mgr at BCBG Arrowhead. She wanted my SSN to run it through the Dillard's computer to make sure I am hireable. CRAP! See, I told you this story to tell you another story: Seven years ago I worked in the Men's Department at Dillard's selling sportswear and plaid golf shorts. I was then offered a great office job with better pay and a consistent schedule. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to put in my two weeks notice because this company needed me to begin training immediately for the girl I was to replace was getting married within a few weeks. FYI: When you do not give two weeks notice at Dillard's, you are black-balled for life. You can never, ever work for Dillard's again. Ever. So back to the original story, BCBG checked my status and saw that I was "non-hireable" at Dillard's so I ended up losing the job I never got to start. The end. Life sucks. And I am still unemployed.

So these past few weeks have been riddled with self-doubt and endless questioning about whether I would ever get a job. In essence, job hunting sucks. At least I had some good interviews this week that should lead to some offers by early next week. Let's keep those fingers crossed!

As much as I want a job though, I am gonna miss my little baby 'Boo.' I mean, look at that tushy. How can you not love that!? Don't worry. We don't allow him to around naked or anything; he was just protesting bathtime that day. Eddie's just glad we didn't have to clean up any "accidents." :O Anyway, I can't believe I am gonna have to miss seeing so many of the funny, cute things that he does every day. I mean, is anyone really qualified to raise my kid besides me? Ugh. At least it's temporary. I am gonna need lots of support these next couple of months. I am gonna have flippin'-awful Benjamin withdrawl symptoms. It's gonna be sad.

A Friend Indeed

I was just reflecting this past week about seasoned friends and how so many seem to disappear as time goes on. A lot of times, it is distance that forces these friendships to fade. Other times, it is as innocent as forgetfulness or lives that are too filled with other priorities.

I spoke with an old friend last week; a friend who I could have sworn would have been there for me for the rest of my life. It's true that since both of us have gotten married, we have spoken less. Yet, this did not seem to affect the actual friendship. I looked forward to seeing her. Our friendship had been through a lot since our high school days. And then something happened. At first, I didn't know if she had changed or if I had never noticed it, but this friend's negativism and self-doubt surfaced in horribly sarcastic and mean comments meant to cut and hurt me. At that moment, I realized that I didn't ever want to be around person again. I was shocked at my callous reaction. She had been a friend for so long. Yet now, as I reminisce about our friendship, I noticed that this particular behavior had been a recurrent part of her personality. She had always found ways to put me down and I guess I used to ignore it. So maybe it is I who have changed. I never thought I would be the one to withdraw from this friendship. I can't blame time or other factors. I will be the one to force this friend away.

How sad is that? I keep wondering: Is it a good thing that I do not want to be around this negative person? And what do you say to a person who's condescending attitude is finally just too much to handle? How do you say goodbye?

You know, maybe I will take a passive backseat... stop contacting her... and allow time to do the dirty work for me. It would have happened eventually anyway, right?

Of Jobs and Kids

So, yeah, my kid is the cutest thing ever. I can't believe he will be 15 months tomorrow. I think that means I am supposed to refer to him as a toddler and not "my little itty-bitty baby with a cutey-utey tushy." Heck, he already flirts with the little girls at church (of course, his flirting consists of a nice caress of his hand on her head and circling her about 20 times while smiling). Too bad I won't let him get married till he's 30.

I can't wait to give Benjamin a little brother or sister. I think I have baby fever because I can't stop thinking about it! It's amazing how the Spirit tells you when you are ready. Eddie and I planned to wait at least 3-4 years until the next baby just because we were waiting till he finished school. Then last week, we come home from church and both say (practically in unison) how we don't want to wait that long and we want to have another as soon as possible. Funny how your plans change when you know it's right.

So, now, I just have to get a job. Once I am working for a few months, we can start trying to have our second. That way I will get decent maternity leave. So yeah, unemployment is keeping me from having a baby. You can imagine how anxious that makes me feel. I have sent my resume out to at least 40 different companies within the past 2 weeks. Other than several rejection emails and one job offer in Tempe (which I obviously couldn't take), I have received nothing. I guess I should just keep praying, right?